Gary Brown: Raising sea-monkeys, becoming 'invisible' and X-ray vision - Canton Repository

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Gary Brown  |  Special to The Canton Repository

Did any of you, like me, ever consider buying a "Sea-Monkey" from a comic book ad when you were a child?

"For a World of Fun...Grow Amazing Live SEA-MONKEYS," the ad said. "Create These Real Live Pets With Bio-Crystals!

"Just add water and before your very eyes, you'll see baby Sea-Monkeys being born alive!"

Then the advertisement continued with a peer-pressure sales technique.

"Sea-Monkeys are absolutely guaranteed to grow! Millions of boys and girls have already tried it at our risk, and gasped in amazement as IT WORKED!"

Still, as an adult, did anyone, besides me, ever buy that malarky?

I just mean believing the ad, I don't mean actually purchasing the pet. Buying Sea-Monkeys would have meant coming up with the money — I looked the ad up online and it appears that the going rate for a sea monkey back in the 1950s was $1.25 — without begging from your brother or bothering your father. I was the cheap sibling in the family — they called me "the banker" — and even I rarely had more than a buck on my hands after buying penny candy.

Borrowing the money from my brother would have cost me a usury amount of interest. Likely he would have taken it out of me in excessive chore exchange. I'd have been making his bed and setting the dinner table until the baby Sea-Monkeys were adults.

Bringing up buying a Sea-Monkey to my dad would have been even more of a mistake.

"The goldfish would eat them," he simply might have said, and the thought of buying Sea-Monkeys as fish food certainly would have ended the discussion.

Try getting to sleep as a kid after that kind of talk, counting visions of newborn Sea-Monkey after newborn Sea-Monkey being gobbled up in the only fish bowl the family owned.

But, I remember that wanted one. I would have sold our pair of parakeets to get some Sea-Monkeys.

"Now," the ad urged, "you too can own dozens of these crazy loveable fun pets!"

Other Ads Published

Of course, I also was the ninny who wanted the "X-Ray Specs" for $1 and wished he had the "Electric Engine" for only 89 cents.

"Now you can be the first on your block to make and own this amazing Electric Engine," the ad said. "This magnetic motor actually speeds up to 4000 revolutions per minute and will operate small cars, boats and other models.

"Your parents and your teachers will love it — your friends will envy you."

Certainly my buddies would have been jealous, but I can't see my teachers being overly enthused about me racing a car between the rows of desks in a classroom, and I know my parents would have been more than mildly irritated if I rammed a model car into the legs of any furniture.

There were, of course, other options. The list of treasures available from comic book ads was lengthy when I was a child.

A Tom Corbett Cosmic Vision Space helmet — it made you look "invisible" — was $1.98, which was a small price to pay for something that was "unbreakable" and "miraculous."

A Dick Tracy two-way Wrist Radio watch cost $3.98, and it would both "send and receive." But, if nobody else in the neighborhood had one it probably didn't do anything.

A "Frontier Cabin, big enough for 2-3 kids" sold for $1, and a gang of neighborhood kids could get "5 for $4" if they wanted to start a settlement in somebody's back yard.

A Polaris Nuclear Sub -- "over 7 feet long" and "big enough for 2 kids" -- sold in an ad for $6.98. According to the ad it had "controls that work," "rockets that fire," a "real periscope," and "firing torpedoes." A young boy or girl could get "hours of adventure" if living in a house with a really wet basement.

Not Monkeying Around

My favorite potential purchase from a comic book, however, was the one that offered a product that was "almost human."

"Darling Pet Monkey," offered an ad I was reminded of by a recent online search of old comic book advertisments.

The ad guaranteed "live delivery" of a 12-inch baby squirrel monkey, and it noted that the monkey, which was "simple to care for and train," came with a free cage, collar and leash.

Owning an animal taken from its natural habitat is offensive to most of us today. Certainly I now would know enough not to bring a monkey into the house. But, I'm guessing that as a child I would have fanticized about getting such a pet.

Regular monkeys cost several dollars more than Sea Monkeys, though, so I never would have asked my dad for that much cash.

"This family already has enough monkeys," he likely would have argued.

And no doubt he would have looked right at me. That's a tough argument to debate when you're asking to buy a monkey.

It's just as well I never got one. It probably would have eaten the goldfish.

The Link Lonk


January 17, 2021 at 06:02PM
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Gary Brown: Raising sea-monkeys, becoming 'invisible' and X-ray vision - Canton Repository

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